It is very difficult to give a brief and objective description of Marriage Encounter. Not because it is a deep, dark mystery, but because it is something which one must experience: and it is hard to relate our personal experience to others. I am sure you have had experiences in your life which meant a great deal to you, touched you deeply, filled you with a desire to share with others. But when, in trying to share them, you found that words failed you, that you really were not communicating your experience and all that it meant to you. That is the way it is when one tries to describe Marriage Encounter. But let's give it a whirl.
Marriage Encounter is not a retreat in the traditional sense of the word. It is not a sensitivity session or a problem solving workshop. It is not a fad or a gimmick. Marriage Encounter is a weekend for married couples during which a technique of communication is presented to them. Throughout the weekend, the couple is taught the technique of communication in a planned and carefully worked out program. Throughout the weekend, too, the couple is actually using the technique. The technique of communication is presented by three experienced couples and an experienced priest [in the UCC/DOC expression, a clergy couple].
A Marriage Encounter weekend is not a time of rest or repose. It is a weekend of work, concentration and effort. It is not a show or event at which the couples are passive spectators. It is an experience, a process, a way of relating to each other, which the couple must enter into and work at. A couple has to make a Marriage Encounter; it does not just happen. There is no magic involved.
The purpose of Marriage Encounter is to help the couple to know each other more deeply. It is based on the conviction that the marriage relationship is the most intimate, the most important, the richest in potential that the couple will ever have. Many gaps can arise in a relationship between two persons, even between two persons united in the close relationship of marriage. The way to bridge the gap between two persons is through communication, through deep and open and fearless dialogue. Dialogue is at the heart of Marriage Encounter. But, dialogue is not just talking about the things or events; it is not just making judgments about the other person. Dialogue is sharing between two; sharing one's feelings, one's fears, one's resentments, one's attitudes. And it is sharing openly because one trusts that the other will accept lovingly, will reach out, will also share. Marriage Encounter tries to give couples a technique, a tool for entering into dialogue.
But it has to be emphasized that Marriage Encounter is not simply a weekend, at a deeper level. It is a way of life. The husband and wife who grasp and appreciate the weekend are ready to commit themselves to the daily use of the technique of dialogue they have learned. It becomes, then, a central part of their daily life together, brief in time (20 minutes or so) but colossal in significance. Their relationship takes on new richness, new potential for growth and depth.
Marriage Encounter has already touched and enriched the lives of many couples in the United States. I have no doubt that it will reach many, many more. I say this because the couples who have made the weekend and adopted the dialogue in their way of life, yearn to have others -- friends, neighbors and relatives -- enjoy the same opportunity. Marriage Encounter will grow not so much because of sermons preached about it or articles written, but because couples will “sell it.” They will pass on the “good news” to other couples whom they love.
And love, ultimately, is what Marriage Encounter is all about. We live in a world (and more and more people are becoming aware of it) where many of the basic values of life are all twisted up. We live in a society that makes many demands on men and women, on husbands and wives. That society demands their time and energy for jobs, children, lawns, politics, entertainment, meetings and voluntary action. But what does that society do to build-up, to cement, to nurture what is most basic to their lives as human persons -- namely their relationship? Who is in the business of making good marriages better? Who is offering to couples the opportunity, insight, the tools whereby that marriage relationship can deepen and blossom and bring fulfillment that hardly seemed possible before?
Look in the yellow pages. You will find some dedicated people who are trying to heal scarred marriages and save breaking marriages. But you will not find much else. Unless Marriage Encounter is listed in your phone book!